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Entries in comedian (9)

Wednesday
Nov122014

Have You Met My Pet Yabbie, Collette Dinnigan?

Everyone, Collette Dinningan.

Collete Dinningan, everyone.

Collette's been my [Candy-Girl] pet yabbie for ages now. She lives in my red faux-velour handbag. Everyone knows it's faux-velour! Collette knows it. Gerda knows it. Even the little man at the faux-velour shop knows it. So stop banging on about it, wouldntchu even hardly moind. Pff, wimmins!

We liberated Collette from Sea Whirl. We're not saying she was inside the venue. Biindi Irwin was inside. Wearing a No Blackfish t.shirt. I think I heard someone say she was measuring the fin flop on one of the Sea Whirl trainers. I could be wrong, but that's not likely. So no, we're not saying Collette was inside the Fish Exploitation House. Not totally. And we're not saying she was hanging around outside peddling krill and sewing tiny lace dresses. But she was. She was he was hanging around outside peddling krill and sewing tiny lace dresses and had set up a pretentious little shop  just left of the entrance, her tiny lace dresses hung on tiny metal hangers. Sure, they were pretty, tiny lace dresses but they stunk. Badder!

She tried to sell us one. She said, she thinks about all the pieces. "Does it fit in to the collection. Does it tell the story? Is it something we need or does it tick all the boxes, or is it just purely irresistible, something that everyone would want to dream of wearing but never would..."  You can see why I had to slam her into my bewflioust faux-velour ha'bag. 

She torked all the way home. In between arsking for tiny scissors and more doilies. MORE DOILIES is something she often screams. She hung out with us at home. It is fair to say she doesn't get along with our other pets. Alphonso says she's too South African and he can't understand an obnoxious thing she says. We know our li'l cardboard meteorologist pony is racist. He knows it. Gerda knows it. Even the little man at the the faux-racist shop knows it. Sometimes, you just can't change peoples/ponies minds. 

Collette started getting mouthy. Around last Xmas time it was.  She'd poke her head out of my ha'bag and say to Gerds that she "too often saw teenage girls with "big burger bellies", describing the look as "unattractive". Gerda's a kind of teenager - so that was a bad place to start, in retrospect.  Collette pressed on. "I see so many girls with those cut-off short shorts and midriff tops and their big bellies hanging out the top of them and I'm just thinking, `Why on earth would you think this looks attractive?' '' she said. "I walk down the street and they're 16-17 years old and I feel like saying to them, `It's just so unattractive, you have no idea.' "

Being one half of Australia's Premiere Identical Twin TEENAGE Bridesmaids, the ol' Gerds didn't take to that talk too well. Luckily, for Collette the Fashion World pretended to care then really quickly forgot about it.  You can still buy her $400 mini dress made from half a table cloth and soft, disposable nappies. or $300 sunglasses made from glasses and intolerant hate. But no kaftans! She criticised the popular kaftan trend, saying "too many women were using them to hide unhealthy bodies." It's like she wants to be a massive cunt off of something?! Pff! Wimmins!

Anywho - here's a recent pic of Collette from Gerds.  

She says, they're playing, Plate Up. Sure looks fun!

 

Which of your beloved family pets have you eaten?

Mince Candy-Grills xxxxx

(As we gear up for our 2015 Melbourne Comedy Festival Show - we'll be hosing off our internet once a week. Join our mailing list. Rub our stink on your friends. Baste your seafood here. Unsubscribing is easy. We hope you don't 'cause - that's just the kind of thing Collette Dinnigan would do. Stay! Chuckle. Share! Comment. Thanks. Gerda & Candy-Girl who together are off of, Miss Itchy.)

Saturday
Sep272014

Miss Itchy's Lazy Susan - 3.

Look, we don't wanna brag, but THIS happened tonight.  BUY TIX HERE! 

Tuesday
Apr012014

Reviews

Thanks Yawp! Link here

Monday
Mar312014

Reviews

Thanks Squirrel! link here.

Miss Itchy’s Late Night Larvae

By Elyce Phillips

Australia’s only identical twin teenage bridesmaids, Miss Itchy, have returned with their terrifically trashy and incredibly wrong talk show Late Night Larvae. Miss Gerda (Linda Haggar) and Miss Candy-Girl (Fahey Younger) bumble their way through a jam-packed evening of guests, prizes and aggressive incompetence.

Late Night Larvae feels like ‘The Tonight Show’ with a possessed autocue, hijacked by your maddest aunts. The show was very rough in parts – Gerda and Candy-Girl both had some trouble with the script, and Gerda was forgetful when it came to the location of characters on the stage, directing her lines to the voices backstage instead. But with these characters, it really didn’t matter. Every little slip-up just added to the wonderfully unhinged energy Miss Itchy bring to the stage.

Though the jokes have been updated for a new crowd, old favourites like Alphonse the Room Temperature Pony remain (He is still a pleasant 22 degrees). The show’s ad breaks, in the form of pre-recorded pieces, were the strongest part of the show. Ads for a Christmas club and a safari resort on the Peninsula were highlights, and the running gags about Matt Preston are brilliant. The prize wheel was also hilarious, with some truly underwhelming prizes awarded to lucky seat holders.

Late Night Larvae’s supporting cast is very strong. Tim Harris brings a surprising amount of gravitas to the roles of Alphonse and newsreader Cliff Palate, both of which contrasted brilliantly with the constant fidgeting and belching of the Misses. Jennifer Wong was a stand-out as Sophie the Box Jellyfish and Miss Gerda’s special helper Emoji. The special guest for the evening was Joel Creasey, who seemed just as baffled by the show as the audience. It’s worth the price of entry just to see the spectacular interview format the girls have devised for their guests.

The humour prances around the line of good taste – some jokes hit the mark more than others. For me, a joke about the Apple factory in Shenzhen went too far. There is certainly some shock value in the show, but the stronger material was in their flirtations with the absurd, rather than the gross. Fortunately, there are enough laughs to be had that the occasional flat moment was never more than a flicker.

Late Night Larvae is not for the easily offended, but if you’re prepared to take the misses with the hits, you’ll have a great time. Miss Gerda and Miss Candy-Girl have produced a monstrosity of a talk show that could make a delightful end to your festival evening.

Miss Itchy’s Late Night Larvae is on at Melb Town Hall – Old Met Shop until April 19

http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2014/season/shows/late-night-larvae-miss-itchy-sn

- See more at: http://www.squirrelcomedy.com/?p=5888#sthash.CV8MOHwB.dpuf

Miss Itchy’s Late Night Larvae

By Elyce Phillips

Australia’s only identical twin teenage bridesmaids, Miss Itchy, have returned with their terrifically trashy and incredibly wrong talk show Late Night Larvae. Miss Gerda (Linda Haggar) and Miss Candy-Girl (Fahey Younger) bumble their way through a jam-packed evening of guests, prizes and aggressive incompetence.

Late Night Larvae feels like ‘The Tonight Show’ with a possessed autocue, hijacked by your maddest aunts. The show was very rough in parts – Gerda and Candy-Girl both had some trouble with the script, and Gerda was forgetful when it came to the location of characters on the stage, directing her lines to the voices backstage instead. But with these characters, it really didn’t matter. Every little slip-up just added to the wonderfully unhinged energy Miss Itchy bring to the stage.

Though the jokes have been updated for a new crowd, old favourites like Alphonse the Room Temperature Pony remain (He is still a pleasant 22 degrees). The show’s ad breaks, in the form of pre-recorded pieces, were the strongest part of the show. Ads for a Christmas club and a safari resort on the Peninsula were highlights, and the running gags about Matt Preston are brilliant. The prize wheel was also hilarious, with some truly underwhelming prizes awarded to lucky seat holders.

Late Night Larvae’s supporting cast is very strong. Tim Harris brings a surprising amount of gravitas to the roles of Alphonse and newsreader Cliff Palate, both of which contrasted brilliantly with the constant fidgeting and belching of the Misses. Jennifer Wong was a stand-out as Sophie the Box Jellyfish and Miss Gerda’s special helper Emoji. The special guest for the evening was Joel Creasey, who seemed just as baffled by the show as the audience. It’s worth the price of entry just to see the spectacular interview format the girls have devised for their guests.

The humour prances around the line of good taste – some jokes hit the mark more than others. For me, a joke about the Apple factory in Shenzhen went too far. There is certainly some shock value in the show, but the stronger material was in their flirtations with the absurd, rather than the gross. Fortunately, there are enough laughs to be had that the occasional flat moment was never more than a flicker.

Late Night Larvae is not for the easily offended, but if you’re prepared to take the misses with the hits, you’ll have a great time. Miss Gerda and Miss Candy-Girl have produced a monstrosity of a talk show that could make a delightful end to your festival evening.

Miss Itchy’s Late Night Larvae is on at Melb Town Hall – Old Met Shop until April 19

http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2014/season/shows/late-night-larvae-miss-itchy-sn

- See more at: http://www.squirrelcomedy.com/?p=5888#sthash.CV8MOHwB.dpuf

Miss Itchy’s Late Night Larvae

By Elyce Phillips

Australia’s only identical twin teenage bridesmaids, Miss Itchy, have returned with their terrifically trashy and incredibly wrong talk show Late Night Larvae. Miss Gerda (Linda Haggar) and Miss Candy-Girl (Fahey Younger) bumble their way through a jam-packed evening of guests, prizes and aggressive incompetence.

Late Night Larvae feels like ‘The Tonight Show’ with a possessed autocue, hijacked by your maddest aunts. The show was very rough in parts – Gerda and Candy-Girl both had some trouble with the script, and Gerda was forgetful when it came to the location of characters on the stage, directing her lines to the voices backstage instead. But with these characters, it really didn’t matter. Every little slip-up just added to the wonderfully unhinged energy Miss Itchy bring to the stage.

Though the jokes have been updated for a new crowd, old favourites like Alphonse the Room Temperature Pony remain (He is still a pleasant 22 degrees). The show’s ad breaks, in the form of pre-recorded pieces, were the strongest part of the show. Ads for a Christmas club and a safari resort on the Peninsula were highlights, and the running gags about Matt Preston are brilliant. The prize wheel was also hilarious, with some truly underwhelming prizes awarded to lucky seat holders.

Late Night Larvae’s supporting cast is very strong. Tim Harris brings a surprising amount of gravitas to the roles of Alphonse and newsreader Cliff Palate, both of which contrasted brilliantly with the constant fidgeting and belching of the Misses. Jennifer Wong was a stand-out as Sophie the Box Jellyfish and Miss Gerda’s special helper Emoji. The special guest for the evening was Joel Creasey, who seemed just as baffled by the show as the audience. It’s worth the price of entry just to see the spectacular interview format the girls have devised for their guests.

The humour prances around the line of good taste – some jokes hit the mark more than others. For me, a joke about the Apple factory in Shenzhen went too far. There is certainly some shock value in the show, but the stronger material was in their flirtations with the absurd, rather than the gross. Fortunately, there are enough laughs to be had that the occasional flat moment was never more than a flicker.

Late Night Larvae is not for the easily offended, but if you’re prepared to take the misses with the hits, you’ll have a great time. Miss Gerda and Miss Candy-Girl have produced a monstrosity of a talk show that could make a delightful end to your festival evening.

Miss Itchy’s Late Night Larvae is on at Melb Town Hall – Old Met Shop until April 19

http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2014/season/shows/late-night-larvae-miss-itchy-sn

- See more at: http://www.squirrelcomedy.com/?p=5888#sthash.CV8MOHwB.dpuf

Miss Itchy’s Late Night Larvae

By Elyce Phillips

Australia’s only identical twin teenage bridesmaids, Miss Itchy, have returned with their terrifically trashy and incredibly wrong talk show Late Night Larvae. Miss Gerda (Linda Haggar) and Miss Candy-Girl (Fahey Younger) bumble their way through a jam-packed evening of guests, prizes and aggressive incompetence.

Late Night Larvae feels like ‘The Tonight Show’ with a possessed autocue, hijacked by your maddest aunts. The show was very rough in parts – Gerda and Candy-Girl both had some trouble with the script, and Gerda was forgetful when it came to the location of characters on the stage, directing her lines to the voices backstage instead. But with these characters, it really didn’t matter. Every little slip-up just added to the wonderfully unhinged energy Miss Itchy bring to the stage.

Though the jokes have been updated for a new crowd, old favourites like Alphonse the Room Temperature Pony remain (He is still a pleasant 22 degrees). The show’s ad breaks, in the form of pre-recorded pieces, were the strongest part of the show. Ads for a Christmas club and a safari resort on the Peninsula were highlights, and the running gags about Matt Preston are brilliant. The prize wheel was also hilarious, with some truly underwhelming prizes awarded to lucky seat holders.

Late Night Larvae’s supporting cast is very strong. Tim Harris brings a surprising amount of gravitas to the roles of Alphonse and newsreader Cliff Palate, both of which contrasted brilliantly with the constant fidgeting and belching of the Misses. Jennifer Wong was a stand-out as Sophie the Box Jellyfish and Miss Gerda’s special helper Emoji. The special guest for the evening was Joel Creasey, who seemed just as baffled by the show as the audience. It’s worth the price of entry just to see the spectacular interview format the girls have devised for their guests.

The humour prances around the line of good taste – some jokes hit the mark more than others. For me, a joke about the Apple factory in Shenzhen went too far. There is certainly some shock value in the show, but the stronger material was in their flirtations with the absurd, rather than the gross. Fortunately, there are enough laughs to be had that the occasional flat moment was never more than a flicker.

Late Night Larvae is not for the easily offended, but if you’re prepared to take the misses with the hits, you’ll have a great time. Miss Gerda and Miss Candy-Girl have produced a monstrosity of a talk show that could make a delightful end to your festival evening.

Miss Itchy’s Late Night Larvae is on at Melb Town Hall – Old Met Shop until April 19

http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2014/season/shows/late-night-larvae-miss-itchy-sn

- See more at: http://www.squirrelcomedy.com/?p=5888#sthash.CV8MOHwB.dpuf
Tuesday
Mar042014

Want Some Free Grub?

GIVEAWAYS! Not Getaways with Catronia Rowntree. GIVEAWAYS!

 
Facebook
Twitter
Website
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YouTube
 
Click here to enter your address so Mr Vim (Postie)
can deliver your prize.

Our new business cards arrived.
The box says, "warm wash, tumble dry".

 

The lady told us "you need business cloths" or something. We told the lady. "Hey, do you want us to bite your cat in half?".  After the police left, we went home.

Gerda disappeared into the parlour, ripped down the curtains and by jingoes, before you've had time to wack eleven dingos, she'd made us some executive limity edishun, beeswax cards all by herself!  We didn't even like the curtains in the front room, any way. Who would?!

Would you like one? It's our way off of saying, "Ta, ta for not being Spanish too hard."

Like normal business cards, they're great for croying at sad movies or bad connerdy festival shows. Butt-plugs, RobGuest what else?!  Gerds says, "they are orlso great for sex wee!" (She's gonna be a bride, one day. So, she should know.)

 

 

Relaxing after a nice glass of *Sophie Juice. *We'll explain later.

Click here to enter your address so Mr Vim (Postie)
can deliver your prize.

You do want one?   Well aren't you just the normalist?


Click that link up there, shoot us your snail mail and we'll post you a present. We have limited number of these totally useless business cloths and we wanna give them away - TO YOU!

it gets off of better.

When you bring one of our cloths to our MICF show we'll offer you -

YOUR CHOICE OF CHOICEST PRIZES!

  1. A ride on Alphonso.

  2. A photograph/grope on stage with Miss Candy-Girl.

  3. Or, a totally professional dental exam, FOR FREE by Miss Gerda who is preeeetty sure she went to Dentist's TAFE, over the Xmas break.

I know!
We're not sure how we're still in business either?!

We're planning to release some truly nice and normal stuff (some old ABC footage - deemed to weird to ever air). Some even WEIRDER stuff from the Dusty Springfield Archives of yesteryore.  Some of it might even involved the Happiest Place on Earth? Plus, Creepy Black Bats!

All that and more coming up in the lead up to our Comedy Festival Show premiere. If you've never retweeted or shared our stuff with your friends before A) we understand and B) we hope you'll want to soon.  Remember, a burden shared is a burden halved.  Thanks!

 

Stay chewned!

Copyright © 2014 Miss Itchy, All rights reserved.
Thanks for joining us. Stay tuned for subscriber only content and exclusive offers. (no sexy offers, just offers)