Tuesday
Apr182006

Hot Cross What?

After my amniocentisis I feel like a shisk-kebab. It appears I am indeed layers of lady, onion, red bell pepper, baby, red bell pepper, onion and lady. Actually, it wasn't as bad as I was expecting and just as well! "I have a violent streak me, you dont wanna rile me up." The upside of the stabbage is the brilliant ultrasound imagery you get on a DVD as you leave the surgery. Gotta love a Beverly Hills Quack, "it's all part of the service, Ma'am." That and the jars of never ending chocolate on the reception desk. Behold perfection... or the source of my almost constant nausea. (video) Now we just have to wait another two weeks to see if the baby has something wrong with it; like it intends to vote for John Howard, thinks George Bush is a decent guy or wants to be a Carlton supporter. Will keep you posted.

My friend Maggie is in LA for a few days so Im looking forward to catching up with her. Maggie was one of the women who was instrumental in getting Miss Itchy to Edinburgh. I havent seen her since I left Australia so it will be fun to catch up.

It is Easter here in the Northern Hemisphere too but I'll be buggered like a Catholic alter boy if I can find any Hot Cross Buns! Not one. Not even a hot cross buN, singular. Pfffff! PFFFF. I go to it! PFFFFF! I know I'm off the carbs but sometimes you just have to say, "Oh look, it's barely the end of February and already Safeway are pushing their hot x buns." And of course, when you want something AND you cant find it it just makes the wanting all the more intense. I ended up in Korea Town on Saturday and came home with a half loaf of fruit bread. Yes, it's delicious. Yes, it has a smattering of icing on the top and yes, I've eaten nearly the whole thing on my own but the baby Jesus did not pop on his barbed wire hat and hang off a tree for Korean Fruit Bread!

*sigh* Well, if this is the only thing I worry about this April, then I've had a good April.

Love me. xxxx
--
An Instruction, not a salutation.

pregnancy calendar

Thursday
Apr062006

Less "The Blob", more "Look Who's Talking Two".

Backaches, dizziness, hemorrhoids, "Up to 50% of pregnant women get hemorrhoids" one pregnancy website cheerfully exclaims. "Leg cramps, nasal problems, shortness of breath and swelling." It continues, "constipation, heartburn and indigestion. Stretch marks, tingling and itching extremities. Sleep disturbances and weight gain." But really, wouldnt ebola be quicker?

Come back later, Im sleeping...
Hey, they forgot morning sickness. Or, in my case, morning / midday / evening/night sickness. Mornings not enough, eh? After a particularly bad day of nausea and constant vomiting Bonsoir Fancy Pants had a brilliant idea. "Why don't we get a mini trampoline - so you can practice shaking the baby?" It's genius I tells ya!

We're about 14 weeks along now. Baby now has a gobful of creepy teethbuds and all it's wee fingers and toes. It appears to have a cracking spine and feet so cute I could just punch it in the face. I went in for my ultrasound today, the child would not sit still long enough for a proper pic but instead flipped and twirled, waved it's bony little arms around and pulled faces. It really is amazing to watch. Creepy and amazing.

side profile - please note creepy baby teeth buds
Next week however, we lean far more heavily on the side of creepy - we go in for an amniocentesis. Mmmm, knit me a wig and call me "Eager"... For the uninitiated an amnio consists of two parts. First an ultrasound tech finds the baby who is hopefully MUCH calmer than it was today... (I'll be 15 weeks by then, and therefore can surely start drinking again? I am a thinker!) once the tech has the baby lined up the doctor takes a running start from the other side of the room with a large, lance/pole vault pole type instrument. When close to the patient (ie: me!) he/she launches him/herself at me stabbing the lance/pole vault into my belly, past the ever diminishing layer of fat (dont worry, there's plenty left!) and into the amnioctic sac (the baby's indoor pool). The entire procedure takes about 9 hours (30 mins) and causes little to no discomfort (to the Ultrasound tech).

It is these hideous insults that the baby is putting me through that makes me enjoy all the more, the name game. Here are the current favourites. Senator (still going strong). Twelve (a name that can not be shortened) Fitzroy (which can but wont if it wins). We like Comma and Slashdot (for a middle name, not a first). Ah yes, mother shall get her revenge... heh

In other non-me related news - Sadly today we hear of the demise of Miss Itchy's favourite singer, songwriter, dance man extraordinaire. Gene Pitney. There are 24 hours to Tulsa indeed Gene, may your journey be smooth all the way to Mecca. Miss Gerda will always love you Gene Francis Alan Pitney. "She would bash rats for your Gene." RIP.

More news to come.

Feel free to join the name game, remeber no Matthews, no Lauras. No Bland or Borings. We're looking for FUN unique names. Step right up, name a baby, win a prize!

Much love to all from us all.

Fabulous Moi, BPF and The Four Inch Vomit Machine. xxxx
For those playing at home, 50lbs remain lost to the Carb Fairy,
1lb gained by the baby. Mother 50 Baby 1

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