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23 weeks

We had our 23 week ultrasound today and as you can see, this kid is so perfect it makes me want to vomit!


10 toes, 10 fingers, 4 chambered heart, 1 big brain and 4 extra long limbs all present and accounted for. It's about a foot long (like the hot dog) and weighs in at an estimated 1.5lbs. That doesnt explain why I've put on MORE than 1.5lbs - the baby must be redecorating with heavy paint and fabrics.

We're still keeping the flavour a secret - boy? Girl? Italian Greyhound? Time will tell.

California weather is starting to hot up - just in time to remind me how much I hate California weather. I know it's been nice and cool in Melbourne - I have a weather stream program on my computer and every now and then it pops up and says, "It's only 4.C and foggy, dont you want to go home?" Yes, yes I do.

Or perhaps to New York. Maybe London? Verkhoyansk in Siberia seems a little extreme - even for me. 100 below zero might be a little TOO cold. Ok - Melbourne it is! We'll be home soonish. August? Thereabouts?

Lucky new babies are portable - and I know, there is NOTHING more welcome than getting on a long haul flight and seeing the person in front/beside/within ear shot of you has a tiny pink human. Woohoo! "Air waitress, I'll have ALL the booze in your little carty thing, please..."

Til nex time. Us xxxx

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Panaminty Fresh

It's that time of year again. Time for the Panamint Post Mortem. As we drove in, we were met by these signs. welcome! Hilarious! I guess "Closed for Drunken Hallucinatory Debauchery" was too much to put on a banner?

The party. It was an odd one this year. Not all together bad and not all together the best time we've ever had (I think that crown is jammed tightly on to the mishapen head of last year) it was just, odd. Doing it sober this year (cos the baby cant handle its booze - the big SOOK!) really had little bearing on my good-time-level but I guess it contributed somewhat. The big change was undoubtedly the absence of a couple of stalwarts. No Nay Nay and no Fr. Luke. Mr & Mrs PanamintIt was just a different kind of party this year. One without salad, organization and awkward spiritual guidance. In fact, there were very few four-peaters this year and a whole slew of newbies. Some of the dimmest, nude bulbs and douchiest of douchebags ever assembled in one desert. Natural selection let us down this year. But there were some great newbies too! Stephanie and her man. Norman and his gal. British Andy - a lad so sweet I could just punch him in the face until he passes out! Glen Wool - a Canadian comic fresh from the Melbourne Comedy Festival and later, crowned King of the Desert. Crowd There was Jack&Dino (my favourite non-comic funny bugger) Little Mikey (he loves BBQ) and golden oldie Panamint fave - James I-Fell-Off-The-Wagon-So-Hard-I-Broke-Something Inman etc etc... You know, the good people. And unlike real-life - the good people outweigh the frigwits.

For me, time spent in Panamint is time spent with Stanhope, Lynnie Shawcroft, Hinty, Andy Andrist, Banjo Randy, Putnam, Monkey & her Meatsticks, Chaille & Jodie and the insanely beautiful Alaska Beckers. BeckerMan These are not people we have the luxury of seeing very often during the year and any time spent together produces the kind of bliss that makes peanut butter stick to the roof of your mouth. Very moreish and hazardous to some - those whose tongues would swell to the size of surfboards with anaphylactic shock if ingested by mistake.

As always, the music was a highlight. Vegas Kelly from the first party was back singing her wee heart out alongside Tommy Rocker. Cool rocks bands, session musos, Henry Phillips and his own brand of funny. Last year's stop you in your tracks noise was Dougalprovided by The Mattoid (very much missed this year) but '06 belonged to Bingo. Doug played a single track from Amy's new album, it rendered all - silent. Hauntingly beautiful, I think that was my favourite moment. Thanks Bingo, ya giant bald nut job.

Doug began his Presidential Campaign (seriously, he is running) in Darwin, California. The once vibrant mining town home to more than 1.000 Darwin is now a long forgotten collection of empty shacks about 30 mins left of Panamint Springs. El Presidente!The remaining inhabitants (I'm guessing less than 15) mostly Lakota Indians rarely see anyone not from their community so the sight of Doug, a bunch of drunk adults in pre teen marching band uniforms (many split up the sides to allow for extra room) without instruments of any kind, a camera man and the rest of us hangers-on, was taken in remarkable stride! "Can I count on your vote?" "Yeah, I guess..." Doug Stanhope in 08 - Drunk with Power. We ran a confederate flag up a flagpole, Doug spoke to - well - no one actually but this is his best audience. Then, we headed back to 'the resort'.

The solitude, the isolation, the complete Monkey n Me! and utter lack of any outside communication is so damn wonderful. Yes, that's ME saying that. No internet, no phone, no television, no SMS or voicemail. I know, it sounds like my very idea of firey hell doesn't it? But for those four days, it's almost the best part of it.

Others will post much more informative recollections of the party - many of whom you can link to from my site (above and already mentioned) or to the right over there in my blog roll. Like I said, it was an odd one this year but still worthwhile.


The people I've met in Panamint in the last four years have become some of my favourite to know, ever. If there is another one, it will be around May next year...

Anyone know a good babysitter? Andy's offered but I think letting him look after a white skinned, blue eyed, seven month old baby may hurt its resale price on eBay.

Til next time. Much love and chapped lipped kisses.

Me, my man and our ever growing bump. xxxx

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Bounce, ya Bastard!

Comedy Festival has just finished in Melbourne - it seems like a lifetime ago that I had anything to do with that. American, Demitri Martin won the Barry Award (for best show of the festival) - the award Miss Itchy were the inaugural winners of. And the Piece Of Wood Award (by comedians "for comedians doing good comedy n stuff") was jointly won by a couple of Aussies; Damian Callinan and Fiona O'Loughlin. Miss Itchy also 'won' this inaugural award. These two would give anyone wood...


Although the prestige of the Barry is truly exciting and rewarding - it's The Piece Of Wood Award that you really lust after. It's quite literally as its name suggests, a piece of wood. A lump of knotty pine that Greg Fleet (the award's original presenter) found and then awarded to us backstage, in the kitchen of the Lower Town Hall for our show, I Cant Stop Burrowing. Greg also found - lying very near the prestigious timber - a big fat red texta (marker) which he used to draw on the peice of wood "T.W.O.J." (the wood of joy) and in a smaller font, "for Good Comedy n Stuff". Perfect? Not quite. After he presented it to us with all the pomp and circumstance of a Royal engagement in front of the broken dishwasher and some stoned prop comic from Ireland, he made us all bite the wood, "go on, bite it hard" leaving a little of our DNA and pointy teeth marks behind. Each subsequent year during the presentation ceremony, the new winner must also bite the wood, leaving their DNA and pointy teeth marks behind.

Winners have included, Simon Munnery, Tim Minchin, Tony Law, Micheal Chamberlain and Stewart Lee (to name but a few). When you are awarded wood, you are given the Piece O to carry with you for one year. It is to be returned (ahem Tony Law!) for the next winner to bite and hold. The very accomplished prop mistress/best buddy/recovering chocoholic Linda Haggar (Miss Gerda's keeper) made a bunch of tiny replica woods to be presented to and kept by the winner so it's not like you forget the glory after your twelve months is up. It's more like you get to play Land of The Giants forever with your tiny wood (complete with red texta scrawls and various teeth marks).

Edinburgh may have its Perrier; Montreal, its bilingual invitation only event; but only Melbourne, has Wood.

Congrats Damian and Fiona. Enjoy the giddying pinnacle of your careers!


What do you get the fortytwo year old man who has pretty much everything? If youre my mate Vonnie, you order him a large, pink, Dora The Explorer (not Strawberry Shortcake as I stupidly thought) Jumpy Castle and have it set up on his front lawn at 8am on a Saturday morning. Vonnie is the queen of mischief and I just loved the whole idea of this prank/present. Needless to say, it was 8am on a Saturday morning and I missed the festivities but - here's a picture!


With love, Former Wood Winner. xxxx

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Amnio Results

After draining a couple of quarts off the kid to check it for ticks and lice, results came back yesterday, Anzac Day. "Allllllllll clear!"

baby look at you now!

Baby tested negative for Down's, Spina Bifida and Apathy. Phew!

So, I went shopping!
baby t

Dont forget to put in your vote for a name. I still like Senator. And Twelve. And lately, I'm stuck on Feynman.

A Feynman would look great in this t.shirt.

babyt 2

That's all the news for today. I did find a parking spot ourside our apartment, that's pretty exciting but I'll just leave you to soak in the amnio news.

Til later!

Us all xxxx

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Hot Cross What?

After my amniocentisis I feel like a shisk-kebab. It appears I am indeed layers of lady, onion, red bell pepper, baby, red bell pepper, onion and lady. Actually, it wasn't as bad as I was expecting and just as well! "I have a violent streak me, you dont wanna rile me up." The upside of the stabbage is the brilliant ultrasound imagery you get on a DVD as you leave the surgery. Gotta love a Beverly Hills Quack, "it's all part of the service, Ma'am." That and the jars of never ending chocolate on the reception desk. Behold perfection... or the source of my almost constant nausea. (video) Now we just have to wait another two weeks to see if the baby has something wrong with it; like it intends to vote for John Howard, thinks George Bush is a decent guy or wants to be a Carlton supporter. Will keep you posted.

My friend Maggie is in LA for a few days so Im looking forward to catching up with her. Maggie was one of the women who was instrumental in getting Miss Itchy to Edinburgh. I havent seen her since I left Australia so it will be fun to catch up.

It is Easter here in the Northern Hemisphere too but I'll be buggered like a Catholic alter boy if I can find any Hot Cross Buns! Not one. Not even a hot cross buN, singular. Pfffff! PFFFF. I go to it! PFFFFF! I know I'm off the carbs but sometimes you just have to say, "Oh look, it's barely the end of February and already Safeway are pushing their hot x buns." And of course, when you want something AND you cant find it it just makes the wanting all the more intense. I ended up in Korea Town on Saturday and came home with a half loaf of fruit bread. Yes, it's delicious. Yes, it has a smattering of icing on the top and yes, I've eaten nearly the whole thing on my own but the baby Jesus did not pop on his barbed wire hat and hang off a tree for Korean Fruit Bread!

*sigh* Well, if this is the only thing I worry about this April, then I've had a good April.

Love me. xxxx
An Instruction, not a salutation.

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