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Entries in Thetans (1)


The Power Of Thetans Compels You... To Say Totes Awks Stuff, Dude.

Today's been one of 'those' days. A Shit-Me-Not Day. Nothing worth getting truly shitty about. Car trouble. Expensive car trouble. Christing Shit Baby Insurance Companies and their arse fisting loopholes. Not getting the exact right contract we were after. And, I bit my tongue over toast at breakfast time.  That kind of day. No one lost a limb. No one shat on the clean floor. But still. One of those fuck-off-and-wither-in-a-hole days. 

Then I read this New York Times article.

Jaden and Willow Smith on Prana Energy, Time and Why School is Overrated

One of the gifts of being young is that particular blend of self-confidence and self-consciousness. Jaden and Willow Smith have managed to turn this form of heady teenage introspection into expression instead of ennui. Willow, the 14-year-old musician whose debut single, “Whip My Hair,” went platinum when she was not yet a teenager, explains that the gift of life is “looking at nature and being, like, ‘Wow, I am so lucky to have a body and to breathe and to be able to look at this.’ ” To which her older brother Jaden, a 16-year-old actor and musician, adds: “And the huge, terrible thing the world would be missing by not expressing yourself.” To that end, both Jaden and Willow, the children of Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith, released new albums this month... [read it in it's FULL glorious glory, here.]

It's a comedy gift, sloppily wrapped by a comedy god who was obviously laughing too hard as she listened to Jaden's phat beats. The kid rhymes;

I'll be at Heaven's Gate with a crowbar pryin'
while they're screaming don't let this guy in.
Feeling sorry for myself,
Catcher in the Rye'n.

Catcher in the Rye-ing indeedy. It goes on. And on. Filled with the glorious inanities of teenage kids who think they have all of Life's Lessons understood and dissected ready for tomorrow's youth. It's too late for us Olds. The universe isn't for us, anyway.

JADEN: Right, because you have to live. There’s a theoretical physicist inside all of our minds, and you can talk and talk, but it’s living.

But. They're kids.

They're only 14 and 16. Had the New York Times come to me when I was 14 or 16. Ok, forget the NY Times. If the Herald Sun had... ok, shaddap. If the Local South Eastern Leader had a slow news day and had sought out the mystical thoughts of 14yo fahey - they would have got a lot of talk about ponies and how Tracy Merrick was a shit person, "cause HER horse was wasting away in Brunnells paddock and she never even went up there to check on it and it's coat fell off last week, but Melanie and I got under the fence and fixed it for her and we could see how hungry it was and she didn't even deserve a horse and I wanted a horse but I didn't have a horse and if I had her horse I would feed it EVERY day. Like, every single day..." 

WILLOW: And the feeling of being like, this is a fragment of a holographic reality that a higher consciousness made. 

Yeah, Wills. Sure. Shit. I bet Willow's got a pony.

The children of celebrities - why do we even give a shit? "The human being is hardwired to worship something, and traditionally that's been a religious figure," says Jim Houran, a New York-based psychologist and expert in celebrity culture. Yes, I'm not about to let that one just slide through the keeper, Jim Houran is an expert in Celebrity Culture. Moving on... Jim says, "But now, more and more people are turning away from organized religion and it's being replaced with something and to me that's these more secularized saints and gods that we call celebrities."

JADEN: She gets in the booth and just starts singing.

There has to be a limit to how much attention the offspring of Sprung Ups get. Surely? "There does seem to be a fine line between functional and dysfunctional interest in celebrities," says Houran. No shit, Sherlock? "We are in a media- and entertainment-saturated society so you can't get away from it. It's just part of our culture now," Houran says.

Yet, I still feel curiously uncomfortable making fun of a couple of oddly sheltered children who live an incessantly unrealistic life. But then they say this. 

WILLOW: That’s what I do with novels. There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing.

JADEN: Willow’s been writing her own novels since she was 6.

You can't walk away from a sentence like that. You can't! It's against the comedy law. I checked!

Of course, the real villians here are Will Smith and his thin wide bride, Jada Pinkett Smith. But somehow I just imagine there's a phone ringing in the Pinkett Smith house today and Grand Poobah Tom Cruise is at the other end of the line - "You can't handle your progeny!"

The Pink Smith's have been in the news before with their own special type of parenting views.

“We don’t do punishment,” Will said. “The way that we deal with our kids is, they are responsible for their lives. Out concept is, as young as possible, give them as much control over their lives as possible and the concept of punishment, our experience has been – it has a little too much of a negative quality."

That's the joy of celebrity. If you put stupid shit out there, people are going to copy and paste it in to their blogs and judge you. Like Judgey McJudgenstein. I'll feel smug for a moment. Then I'll remember all the cool stuff you've got. Pff. 

I'll leave the last word to Jaden. 

JADEN: You never learn anything in school. Think about how many car accidents happen every day. Driver’s ed? What’s up? I still haven’t been to driver’s ed because if everybody I know has been in an accident, I can’t see how driver’s ed is really helping them out.

Dude went and said a mouthful. 

I bet he never has to worry about paying for the drive train on HIS Cube. 

Fuck you, Jaden. You suck!  And yer sister, too!