Navigation
Twiddah
sign up

 

Entries in speakers (1)

Wednesday
Jan062016

Baby Dance Party with a Vaginal Sound System or What Else Can I Shove Up My Whelp-Hole?

New tech is SO cool. And it's everywhere. Like, Sunfire Built A Machine That Transforms Water Into Fuel And It Works Perhaps you're looking for something for your hospital? Coat Your Walls With Paint Shield And Turn Them Into Germ-Killing, Anti-Microbial Surfaces or more importantly, Scientists Invent Slow-Melting Ice Cream. Not to brag, but I have a new 6" smartphone that is so smart, it's graduating from college early with a PhD in Wikipedia and there's a magical box in the kitchen that washes my dishes! Impressive list. 

Then, there's stuff that you can't believe you ever, in your stupid life tried to live without. A Spanish gynecology clinic wants to tap into the early tech fetal-music market with Babypod, a speaker that expecting mothers insert IN TO their wedding caves to play songs for their unborn babies.

Babypod claims its device "stimulates the vocalization of babies before birth through music and encourages their neural development." Now sure, that sentence is a massive payload of horseshit but if you want to sit around, gestating with a couple of Bose headphones crudely taped to your belly - you go right ahead and not really give two shits about your unborn progeny.  It's not like you ever wanted to raise talkers, anyway. 

Babypod state, “By placing a speaker inside the vagina, we overcome the barrier formed by the abdominal wall and the baby can hear sounds with almost as much intensity and clarity as when emitted.”  I know! Here! Take ALL my money [$187.64AU]. And to share the experience, your partner can shove a sound bar up his/her puckered anus as you both blissfully blast the baby with some Nickleback or Drake - let it know what it's in for when it arrives. 

Plus, it's pink! They sure do know how us ladies love pink things. Especially things for shovin' up our grumpshens. I don't know about you but I'm disappointed that this tech wasn't around when I was preggo with my boys. It almost makes me wish you could shove 'em back in. Both were caesarian births so my pelvic floor has not needed restumping or shoring up. Think woman, THINK!

   

Non Je Ne Regret Rein, get yours now - before they discover Bluetooth technology shatters the growing nails and teethbuds of a developing foetus. 

Yeesh! When I think back... in MY day we had to be content with my dumb analogue husband shouting down the ear trumpet we kept in my fecund pants. No wonder my kids think Psy is music. Such a failure.  Still, we never planned them anyway so you take what you get if you're not invited.