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Wednesday
Jan212015

Doug Stanhope's Podcast - Where I Outed A Criminal (Who Just Happens To Be My Ex-husband)

TRIGGER WARNING

So, this was cathartic. Very. Doug Stanhope's Podcast  

Doug is an old friend. An unrivaled comedian and beautiful human. I got to do a bit of time up before him when he toured Australia which I wrote about back in November. I got to play to 1800+ of his die-hard Melbourne fans at Dallas Brooks Hall. Stupendous fun and a great experience. Before the show, we hung out together, day-drinking and he recorded our chat for his podcast

Even though we have been friends for a bajillion years, Doug didn't know I'd been married to someone else before I met and fell in love with my lovely, Ben. (Clearly I was some kind of teen bride.)

I was married for 8 months and 1 day to Craig Jazownik. A sub-human version of the species. Someone so vile and reprehensible I've done my best to eradicate all vestiges of him from my life.  Easier said than done... he cut such a egress of destruction through my life, my family, and friends the remnants of which hang on like the festering parasite he is. This all happened more than 20 years ago now and the day before I opened for Doug, I went for my first therapy session to try and deal with the worst of the shit-hangover from Craig Jazownik (it's important to get the spelling right). 

Sheesh lady, you sure sound like a jilted, ex. Well, it's more than a little complicated... I don't want to rehash the story here on my pristine website, so if you're interested, go have a listen to the podcast. What I'd like to write about is, the aftermath.

   

      Doug and I  (photobombed by Bingo) ......................................................................................................... Doug and Andy Andrist

I have zero contact with Fuckface (that's J-A-Z-O-W-NIK). Once the police had been called and the case went to trial and I sat in the witness box to give evidence against him, I never spoke to him again. Not face to face, or over the phone, by suicide bomber or carrier pigeon. There is nothing i care to say to it.  Needless to say, he got a small smack on the wrist for his crimes, and time served so he ran home to Mumsy and Father to Sale, in country Victoria and that's the last I knew.

I moved on with my life. Some days more successfully than others. 

Cut to 20 years later - one of the triggers for me, was listening to the first episode of Doug's podcast where he talked to our friend and shambolic human comedian, Andy Andrist.  Doug and Andy had gone to Florida with a cameraman to confront the man who had repeatedly molested Andy as a kid. It's powerful stuff. Really powerful. 52 podcasts later, it's my turn. 

So - the aftermath. Doug's engineer, Chaille released our episode the night before Xmas. Hilarious turkey-stuffing listening. Gather round kids, shit's about to get dark... My inbox and twitter feed immediately exploded. "How do you spell the fuckers name?" "Where does he live?" "Doug has crazy fans, in basements." "Your ex-husband story on Doug's podcast made my skin crawl." Someone found his LinkedIn profile. "Is this the kid fucker?" That screen capture was shared dozens of times. Some one else found an Aspendale Gardens community newsletter that mentioned him as resident. That got shared. A photo was posted. "Is this it? Yes. No" Lots of messages of support. LOTS. Loved hearing your twisted story, if I'm ever in Australia I know one cunt I'd like to meet in an alley. Someone else found his blog; his new wife's Facebook account; [good lord he remarried and has children *shudder*]... And someone found where he'd posted his mobile number online! I don't know how many times that got retweeted and shared but I saw messages from people saying they'd left him a voicemail. "Funny, it keeps going to voicemail?!" "Me too!" Message after message from screennames and people I have never nor will ever meet in my life. My favourite retweet, Jesus fuck. Mebee the @DougStanhope poscast with@faheyyounger wasn't the most festive choice for some lighthearted background noise tonight.

I'm not going to share any of the links. Nor did I click on any. I want to keep my no-contact pact, intact. Jack. There is nothing i care to say to it.

All this activity happened in 24 hours. These basement dwellers were FAST. Those Cold Case people just need to take details of any unsolved crime to Doug. If he puts it out to his Sausage Army, they'll have that thing sewn up before Detective Lily Rush's close up can be focus-pulled.

Doug asked me how I was feeling, after we'd finished recording (proving he's a tender lover). He wanted to know what felt better, talking about it in therapy or on stage? I thought about it. Both offer relief but I'll say this, pity my therapist doesn't have a nice shiny Yeti mic on her desk.

Thanks Doug and thanks Andy, for the push. Free falling is not as scary as I thought. 

If you need help - there IS, HELP.

Bravehearts

ASCA

HAVOCA

Kids Help Line

Hope you never need any of those links. Ever.

Til next time! ox

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  • Response

Reader Comments (3)

I have one word to suggest to the Sausage Army - a form of nonviolent protest, as it were - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Google_bomb

The story of the classic example: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Campaign_for_%22santorum%22_neologism

February 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBen

Just glad to do my part. We're all in this together.

February 18, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterZachary Winn

https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=craig%20jazownik

November 28, 2016 | Unregistered Commenteranonymous

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