Kwenstshuns, Answered - ish
People say to us, “Hullo Miss Itchy, are you mental?” We all laugh. Then after Miss Gerda pats the last sod down with the back of the shovel over that smarty’s shallow backyard grave (we don’t bother going bush anymore) we have to ponder this question, “Are we mental?”
Hmmmm… Sometimes readers, I look at the big pikshar and think, boy, am I gonna be in trouble when Miss Gerda gets home and she sees that… cause I’m not supposed to draw on the walls anymore, especially with my new textas.
No you are not!
Normally I’m not allowed to have textas, you know why I’m not allowed to have textas? Cause I suck them. I do. I suck them.
Yeah, that is so true, she sucks ‘em. Many a night has seen us in the waiting room at the Royaly Children’s Hostible, with Mince Candy-Grill on my knee in a bunny rug, a very big bunny rug, waiting to see their best Vet cause you, you lil bugger, you’ve been sucking textas and I think you’ve turned into a Blue Tongue Lizard…. dontent I?
Uh HUH! Hehehe But I haven’t! I’ve just been sucking my number four Jasco blue.
Correct Miss Candy-Girl, the Concise Oxford Dictionary defines “mental” as adj:2 (biology) of or relating to the chin- or lip-like structure in insects and certain molluscs.
Who would have guessed? So, sorry to all the kids who may have befallen a befoulment at the hands of our be-dead shovel, or should we say spade?
Nope, just call it what it is, Miss Candy-Girl. It’s a gun.
Well, that settles it, sorry about the gunnage. But in closing, for the records, we must state, unequivocally with our human girls face holes, “Murder is hilarious, when pronounced by an Irish man.”
Lots off of love (if you're a poof) from us, Miss Itchy off of. xxql
Send us your kwestshuns. We will coat them in sugar and eat 'em!
No Really, What the Sweet Frig Is Going On Here?
The multi-award winning comedic duo of Miss Gerda (Linda Haggar) and Miss Candy-Girl (Fahey Younger) together are, Miss Itchy.
Miss Itchy inhabit their own maniacal world. A fascinatingly grotesque duo dressed in shiny sleeveless taffeta bridesmaid dresses and clunky mens shoes. Adorned with gold plastic pearls and a fearless disregard for anyone's personal space or feelings, they act like pre-schoolers after too much red cordial; they are nonetheless fully formed "grown-ups" and much of their humour derives from the relentless intermixing of childlike and adult impulses. They have their own mashed language and a distinct love and affection for one another.
Gerda (on the right) is the mannish, domineering loudmouth who thinks she is the boss of everything. A product of a repressive, angry childhood she rides roughshod over people, desperate for acceptance without any social skills or abilities to form normal natural relationships. She is frightening, frightened and ferocious. Her only ally is Candy-Girl.
Candy-Girl (pictured left) is her chubby Kewpie Doll-inspired friend, best friend. Best, best friend. Best friends for ever! She is the product of a loving, nurturing home. With attention lavished on her by her openly gay parents, Dad and Dad she sails through life, happy in any situation. Happy to meet new people. Happy to be with her best friend, no matter the circumstance.
Awards & Festivals
The Inaugural BARRY AWARD
Recipents of TWO Moosehead Awards
Recipients of a Victoria Arts Council Grant
MICF, Melbourne, AU
Melbourne Fringe, Melbourne, AU
Edinburgh Festival, Scotland, UK
Wired for Laughs, Los Angeles, USA
Miss Itchy are Australia's only Indentical Twin Teenage Bridesmaids.